Posts in Boundary Setting
Walking the Tightrope of Expectations

Setting expectations for your child is meant to be helpful. But, when is it harmful? Similar to a tightrope, expectations can be tricky to navigate and acrobats (in this case, your child) often require the perfect combination of skill, training, and coaching to be able to successfully get across. So when you set expectations for your child you should consider whether or not you are setting your child up to succeed (meet the expectations) or fail (not meet the expectations).

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Speaking Up for Yourself in Your Relationships

Are you unhappy with your current relationships? Do you find that you tend to give more than you get? Do you feel like your voice isn’t being heard? This could be occurring in any kind of relationship: a romantic relationship, a family relationship, a friendship, a work partnership, and so on. No matter what interaction you’re struggling with, don’t worry! Relationships are tricky. It can be challenging to ask for what you want or to find the courage to say “no” when you’re uncomfortable. Luckily, there are ways to build your confidence and speak up for yourself in your relationships. We’re here to help…

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The Importance of Giving Kids Choices

Most parents want to raise children who are independent and strong-willed. They want to teach their children to make smart decisions for themselves and to feel confident in their choices. In addition to modeling positive decision-making skills, you can foster independence from a young age by giving your kids choices. It’s as simple as it sounds: give your kids choices in their everyday lives so that they practice making decisions for themselves early on. Want to learn more about how it’s done and the impact it can make on your child’s future? Read on…

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How to Advocate for Yourself in your Relationships

Do you ever feel like your relationships aren’t going well for you? Do you find that you give in more often than not? Do you tend to have a passive role in your relationships? No matter what kind of relationship you’re struggling with, don’t worry! It can be challenging to ask for what you want or to find the courage to say “no” when you’re uncomfortable. If you’re looking for a way to improve your assertiveness, try using the DEARMAN skill! It’s an interpersonal effectiveness DBT skill, which means that it’s designed to help you communicate better with others. It teaches you how to calmly and effectively ask and receive. Let’s learn about how it works…

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Maintaining Your Self-Respect as a Parent

Parenting as we used to know it (pre-pandemic) has radically changed! We are now being challenged with multi-tasking and problem-solving novel situations with no road map or clear answers. Although positive parenting is possible right now, it certainly is challenging! To feel both effective AND simultaneously good about yourself while navigating this challenging time, use the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill of FAST to maintain your self-respect as a parent. FAST is helps you keep your self-respect in relationships by honoring your own values and beliefs. Let’s explore how it works…

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How to Validate AND Parent your Child

As a parent, it’s important to find a balance between making sure your child feels heard and parenting effectively. This is often easier said than done! It can be challenging to be your child’s friend to count on while maintaining boundaries and structure as a parent. Luckily, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, can help! In DBT, building and maintaining healthy relationships is a key component to interpersonal effectiveness. One interpersonal skill, the “GIVE” skill, can help you achieve this parenting balance within your household. Here’s how it works…

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How to Ask for What You Need

The pandemic certainly has impacted our well-being and our relationships as a result! We’re being emotionally and physically taxed in a variety of new ways. They can lead to heightened emotions, feelings of overwhelm, and emotional instability; these all make it difficult to navigate interpersonal relationships. In order to feel validated and heard while also successfully asking for what you want during this difficult time, try using a well-known skill from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, DEARMAN. DEARMAN is a DBT skill that helps you be effective in getting what you want or asserting “NO.” Here’s how it works…

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3 Ways to Develop your Child’s Healthy Independence

As your child seeks independence, you may be asking yourself "What's the right balance?" Creating more independence is often a topic in family therapy and in therapy with teens. For parents, the struggle lies in giving your children enough space to make mistakes that they can learn from AND not so much space that it risks your child getting seriously hurt. It’s not easy to find middle ground between your child’s needs to be independent and venture out and your need to keep your child forever safe and close. So how do you strike a balance? Where is the line between creating independence and promoting safety? Here are 3 tips on how to approach this topic in your family discussions…

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Upgrade Your Family Time, When Family Time is All You Have

Under normal circumstances, the usual progression of the day usually goes something like this: Wake up, eat breakfast, drop the kids off at school, go to work, kids travel home from school, get off work, cook dinner, eat, sleep, repeat. This routine means that everyone is busy, and it also makes family time precious. Now what happens when that family time became so frequent that work, school, eating, and alone time merge together? Many families may be finding this time tricky to navigate. Your home may be feeling very close now that everyone is in the same space for extended periods of time. For some, your boundaries may be blurring and your schedule may be more lax. Parents: let’s take a look at the ways you can help your entire family upgrade your family time, when family time is all you have…

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Maintain Self-Respect in your Relationships

Relationships are all about compromise and balance. They require us to listen to others, to voice our point of view, and to engage in a give and take. However, not all relationships are balanced. Sometimes we overstep our roles. We may assert our point of view so strongly that we cause others to act in ways that make them uncomfortable. Other times, we don’t stand up for ourselves. We follow along with what other people want to do, even if it does not align with our values. In relationships like these, it may be helpful to use the FAST skill to navigate difficult interpersonal situations—like setting boundaries, for example. FAST helps us keep our self-respect so that we feel good about our relationships.

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How to Stick Up for Yourself in your Relationships

Do you ever feel like you’re not getting what you want from your relationships? This could be any relationship: a romantic relationship, a family relationship, a friendship, a work partnership, and so on. No matter what relationship you’re struggling with, don’t worry! Relationships can be tricky at times. It’s not always easy to ask for what you want or to find the courage to say “no” when you’re not comfortable. Luckily, there’s a DBT skill that is here to help you improve your assertiveness: the DEARMAN skill! It teaches you how to calmly and effectively ask and receive. Let’s learn about how it works…

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How to be a Conscious Parent

Parenting can be a struggle sometimes. When your young child is misbehaving, or your teenager’s behavior is out of control, you may naturally feel frustrated, concerned, and unsure of how to respond. While there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, there are ways to decrease stress (for parents and kids) and help your children grow. One option is conscious parenting. Conscious parenting is a mindful, parent-focused approach to parenting. It essentially says that in order to help our children, we must first help ourselves. For example, when your children act up, conscious parenting encourages you to think about your response and your state of mind before you react. Are you going to act on impulse or respond from a place of calm? Let’s learn more about how to be a conscious parent…

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Tips for Finding Work/Life Balance

Being a parent isn’t easy, no matter if your children are very young or they’re young adults. Many parents struggle to find a balance between work and family. Parents wonder if they should take more vacation days, if they should be a stay-at-home-parent, or if they should take on a job that involves a great deal of traveling. When it comes to parenting, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. You’ll likely get a different opinion from every person you ask. So how do you figure out the right way to balance work and family life? The answer to the question is unique to you and your family's needs. Here are some tips help you decide what is best for your family…

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Setting Healthy Boundaries

We all have boundaries, or limits that we establish for ourselves. Setting boundaries is the way we communicate what is okay and what is not okay in our relationships and friendships. Knowing what your boundaries are and what you are comfortable with in your life is very important for your safety and your self-respect. If you know what you are okay with, then you know to speak your mind when you don’t want to engage in something or with someone that creates uncertainty. You can assert your boundaries in a number of different ways. Here are a few examples…

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Taking an "Unplugged" Vacation

When you go on vacation, do you still remain connected to work? If you’re spending just as much time taking calls and answering emails as you are relaxing on the beach, consider taking an “unplugged” vacation. An unplugged vacation is a growing trend in which people avoid cell phone use entirely in order to reap the benefits of being disconnected. Whether you want to take a phone-free vacation or limit your phone usage, here are some tips to make the most of your vacation...

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Tips For Talking About Vaping With Your Teen

Although the amount of teenagers smoking cigarettes is at a 40-year low, an increasing amount of teens are picking up a new habit: vaping. Vaping is “using an electronic cigarette to inhale vapor infused with flavor, nicotine, both or neither.” Many teens have gravitated towards this new habit due to the enticing flavors. It may taste good and look cool, but it’s still harmful to a teen’s developing brain. If you find your teen is vaping, here are some tips to start a conversation about it and express your concerns…

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Using Consistency to be a Calmer Parent

Parenting is not an easy task. It may be tough to reinforce rules that your children will actually follow, or to get your kids from one activity to the next. You might be wondering, how can I make changes in the household that my family will live by?  Instead of struggling to enforce the routine, try using consistency and the CARES parenting skill...

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How to Maintain Healthy Relationships

We form so many bonds in our lives: with our partner, with our children, with our family, and with friends. However, sometimes bonds become strained. You might know someone whose relationships are suffering–or maybe your own relationships are suffering too. Maybe you two don’t see eye to eye lately, or maybe you are too busy to maintain the connection. If you could use some advice in supporting yourself and others in your relationships, consider these tips...

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How to Communicate Effectively with Your Teen

As a parent, you may have experienced some challenges with communicating with your teen(s). Maybe you argue about social media usage, academic performance in school or the lack of quality time he or she spends with you.

Avoid discord and disconnection with your child by using one or all of these tips....

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Three Action Steps to Help You Achieve Your Goals

We all have been overwhelmed from time to time by the amount of items on our "to-do" lists or by what we perceive as responsibilities that feel like mountains to climb.  Often, we don't complete tasks or meet goals when we feel discouraged or defeated, or generally weary.  

Read on for 3 action steps to help you achieve your goals...

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