By Erica Kokoszka, LAMFT
If you’re parenting a picky eater, you’ve probably had the same thought at least once: “Why does every meal turn into a power struggle?” The truth is, picky eating is common, especially in younger kids, and pressure usually makes it worse. Most picky eaters aren’t trying to be difficult. They’re trying to feel safe, in control, or protected from unfamiliar tastes and textures.
The goal isn’t to “win” dinner. The goal is to build trust around food and slowly expand what your child will tolerate—without burning out the whole family. Here are seven low-stress strategies that support healthier eating habits and fewer battles.
1) Stop negotiating bites
Bargaining (“three bites and then dessert”) can turn food into a performance. It also teaches kids to wait you out. Instead, decide your job and their job:
- Your job: choose what’s served and when.
- Their job: decide whether and how much to eat.
This keeps expectations clear and lowers pressure, which reduces the odds of a power struggle.
2) Include a “safe food”
If every meal is a fight, your child may come to the table already anxious. Include one food your child reliably eats (bread, rice, yogurt, pasta, etc.) alongside the family meal. This isn’t “giving in.” It’s building safety so they can tolerate being near new foods.
A child who feels secure is more willing to explore. You’re more likely to get a “maybe” when the plate isn’t all unknown. Offer new foods next to something familiar and enjoyable.
For example:
- Chicken nuggets + a single steamed broccoli floret
- Pasta + one cherry tomato
- Quesadilla + a tiny side of salsa
3) Use tiny exposures, not big leaps
New foods should arrive in very small portions. Think: one blueberry, one baby carrot slice, one pea. Exposure counts even if they don’t swallow. Touching, smelling, licking, or taking a “mouse bite” all move the needle for picky eaters.
A helpful rule: the smaller the ask, the bigger the win.
4) Make fruits and vegetables easier to say yes to
Many kids reject fruits and vegetables because of texture, bitterness, or unpredictability. Reduce the “sensory surprise”:
- Serve veggies roasted until crisp or steamed until soft—then keep it consistent.
- Offer dips (ranch, hummus, yogurt-based dips) without making it a big deal.
- Use predictable shapes: sliced cucumbers, matchstick carrots, thin apple slices.
The point isn’t to trick your child. It’s to lower the barrier so they’re willing to try.
5) Be a calm role model (without commentary)
Kids notice what you eat and how you talk about food. Your best tool is modeling—not lectures. Be the role model who tries foods, enjoys a variety, and stays neutral about preferences.
Try saying:
- “This is crunchy.”
- “This one is tart.”
- “I like it roasted better than raw.”
Avoid:
- “You’ll like it if you just try.”
- “It’s healthy, so eat it.”
- “Don’t be dramatic.”
Neutral language maintains their curiosity.
6) Don’t make a second meal.
Making a second meal for someone who's a picky eater is understandable when you’re anticipating that “they’re not going to eat what’s on the menu” for the rest of the family. This unfortunately sets the expectation for them that they don’t have to try new things because their parent is going to make them what they want anyway.
7) Create structure so hunger does some of the work
Grazing all day can flatten appetite and make meals harder. Aim for a predictable rhythm:
- 3 meals + 1–2 planned snacks
- Water between meals
- Limited “all day” milk/juice sipping
This supports appetite cues and steadier eating habits, without forcing anyone to eat.
What to do when you feel yourself slipping into a power struggle
If you notice tension rising, pause and reset:
- Take one breath before responding.
- Keep your voice calm and brief.
- Repeat a simple line: “You don’t have to eat it. It’s your choice.”
- End the meal after a reasonable time window (20–25 minutes) and move on.
Consistency teaches your child that meals are safe—and that the battle is over because you’re not fighting.
When to get extra support
If your child’s food variety is shrinking, meals cause significant distress, or you’re worried about growth or nutrition, it’s worth getting help. The earlier you address feeding stress, the easier it is to shift the pattern.
Mindsoother supports families in Livingston, Short Hills, Chatham, and surrounding communities with parent coaching and therapy that helps reduce mealtime conflict and build a healthier relationship with food. If picky eating has taken over your home, reach out. We’ll help you create a realistic plan that fits your family—without shame, pressure, or daily fights.