A Guide to Healthy Relationships
Are your relationships causing you stress? Do you find yourself arguing with someone too often? Are you unable to see eye-to-eye with someone you care about? Do you wish that your friendship or romantic relationship was stronger?
The healthiest relationships are those founded on trust and communication. Sometimes, we get so caught up in our own worlds that we forget to think of others when interacting. The GIVE skill, a useful DBT tool, reminds us to consider how we want others to feel about us. It encourages us to consider how the way in which we interact affects the message that we’re sending. Here’s how it works…
G: be Gentle -
The way in which you express yourself is just as important as what you’re saying. Tone of voice and body posture, among others, can affect how someone receives your message. When communicating, be kind and respectful towards others by speaking softly, calmly, and clearly. Speak in the way that you would want someone to speak to you. Also, maintain open body language as you talk and listen. Take a non-judgmental stance as you approach the conversation and consider the situation from the other person’s point of view, in addition to your own.
I: act Interested -
It’s important to be just as good of s listener as you are a speaker. Therefore, you should actively listen. Show that you are paying attention by maintaining good eye contact, asking questions when appropriate, and not interrupting the other person’s train of thought. Remember to be sensitive to others opinions, wants, and emotions. Something that doesn’t seem as important to you could really matter to someone else.
V: Validate -
Everyone wants to feel validated. Show the other person that they are heard and understood. Actively listen to what the other person has to say, reflect back, and show sympathy for their point of view. Validating does not mean that you have to agree with the person’s opinions, behaviors, wants, etc.—only that you heard their feelings and experiences. Validate others, and they will be more likely to make you feel heard as well.
E: Easy Manner -
Remember that this is a conversation, not a formal meeting. While it’s great to be mindful of your thoughts and behaviors, it’s good to be easy going as well. People will feel more comfortable talking to you and more likely to get along with you if you have an easy manner. Try not to take things too seriously by joking when appropriate. Also try to focus on the positive and smile; adding positivity to a conversation can make a big difference!
While there isn’t a secret to success when it comes to relationships, there are ways to improve them. Build and strengthen your relationships with family, friends, and peers by practicing the GIVE skill. It reminds you to consider how you want other people to feel about you. A simple shift in focus and a mindful approach to conversing can really help you enjoy positive relationships!