Are Your Child’s Emotional Needs Being Met?

As a parent, it can be difficult to meet all of the many physical needs of your child, and when it comes to their emotional needs the challenge can be even greater! It is easy to remember that your child needs food, water, shelter, and safety. But what are some of the other emotional needs that a growing individual can benefit from having in order to thrive and reach their full potential? What are some of the most memorable experiences you remember having as a child that made you feel happy, seen, and important?

The emotional needs of a child can change in priority depending on their age, but for the most part, they tend to remain the same throughout the span of their childhood. Although there are many emotional needs,, I want to focus on the top three most unmet emotional needs that as a therapist I have observed in my many years as a clinician:

#1: Significance and Contribution. When appropriate, allow and encourage your child to have a voice and feel like they matter. The small moments matter. By allowing children to practice having a voice you are not only building their self-confidence but also may be giving them an opportunity to learn about the importance of decision-making. We cannot expect our children to grow into confident and contributing members of a family or society if we have not given them the skills to be able to do that.

Meeting this emotional need for your child may look like discussing an upcoming vacation itinerary and asking them for an activity that they also want to do during that time. Or exploring their opinion on meal preferences for the week, or what a certain common area decor in the home should be. Help them feel like they matter and their presence in your family makes a positive difference.

#2: Boundaries. One word: necessary! The adolescent years are particularly tricky for navigating and keeping boundaries. However, reinforcing and sticking to the consequences of established boundaries can promote success in this area. No matter how independent your child may want to be, boundaries will help with managing expectations and helping your child feel a sense of safety. Modeling healthy boundaries with your child helps them learn how to establish healthy boundaries with other relationships that they have in their life outside of their home.

Sticking to healthy boundaries may look like following through with a punishment or reward when a certain rule is followed or broken no matter how difficult it may be. Meeting this emotional need may look like honoring the privacy of your adolescent child and not reading their journal even when you know where they keep it.

#3: Play and Learning. Over the years society has made the unfortunate shift to glorifying overachievement and a “hustling” culture of no free time to just play “be.” It seems that gone are the days where children spend time playing tag outside without the pressure of spending hours upon hours doing homework or filling up their calendars with endless extracurricular activities to have robust college applications. There are children and adolescents who have difficulty entertaining themselves without a phone or technology. More and more children are losing the importance of play and the learning lessons that come from those situations.

I have found in my many years as a clinician that many parents have given into the new norm of having their kids be overachievers. Encourage your child to disconnect and play for both their emotional wellness and development. Allow your child the space to take breaks by doing what they enjoy and learn to work through challenges on their own.

If you already feel like you are doing a pretty great job at meeting the emotional needs listed above, congratulations! And remember that there are many other emotional needs that your child may have: connection, love, respect, grace, routine, and independence to name a few more. Reflect on what you could be doing better and maybe even prompt a conversation about this subject with your child to see if their opinion matches yours. It will be worth your time,

In any case, by nurturing the emotional needs of your child, you will be helping them be one step closer to growing into confident, successful adults who lead happier lives.