Coping with Difficult Emotions
We deal with difficult emotions every day. Feelings like frustration and nervousness can make life challenging. Although you cannot get rid of these uncomfortable emotions, you can choose how you deal with them. As a parent, it’s important to learn healthy ways to accept and cope with stressful emotions and crises. It will not only help you become a more effective human being, it will also allow you to model for your children and your family how to tolerate distress.
Consider using IMPROVE the moment to replace negative emotions with positive ones:
I: Imagery. Use your imagination to go to a calmer, more wise-minded place. Visualize yourself in that place using your five senses. Find your happy place by imagining through sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch. Allow yourself a brief moment to escape there in order to tolerate the present moment.
M: Making meaning: Find a purpose or reason for what you are going through. What is the silver lining? What is the lemonade out of lemons? Why is this happening? Identifying meaning in a difficult situation may help you see the situation from an alternate perspective.
P: Prayer: Connect to something greater and open yourself up to the moment. Ask for guidance from a Higher Power, however you perceive that power.
R: Relaxation: Help your body feel more comfortable and calm. Relax your muscles. Breathe. By simply breathing or practicing progressive muscle relaxation, your body will calm, thus calming your mind as well.
O: One thing at a time: Focus on one thing that distracts you. Fully invest in the present moment and what you may be doing currently. Practicing one-mindfully, a mindfulness skill, means you’re able to block out distractions and increase awareness.
V: Vacation: Take a brief mental vacation from your stress or pain. Remove yourself from the situation for a brief time, up to 15 minutes. Stepping away from the situation that is causing you distress can allow you to recenter and return in a more wise-minded way.
E: Encouragement: Be your own cheerleader. Tell yourself that you can do this. Give yourself credit for successes, no matter how small. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can do, while simultaneously acknowledging that you can continue to do better.
Improving the moment to tolerate distress can help you deal with life’s challenging emotions without feeling stuck to your feelings or like you’re ignoring them either. With practice, this DBT skill will also help you become a more effective role model for your children as they cope with their own range of emotions.