How am I Impacting my Child's Body Image?

Is your child starting to over-analyze their appearance? Are they over-thinking food choices and you’re not sure why? It’s understandable to feel confused; it’s not like you’ve ever criticized them about it! Your child’s behavior may be changing as they get older because they’re picking up on what you’re doing. Here’s the thing: children are like sponges. Even if your child has not directly been criticized for their food choices or appearance, they may be indirectly influenced about their appearance. Or, they may have picked up subtle cues from their parents about their body image. or they may have interpreted messages about their appearance and body image. It’s possible that your child is picking up on things that you don’t even realize you’re doing! We’ll shed light on potential influences…

Example scenarios
For example, if a child is exposed to their parent negatively commenting on their own body, the child can take away an indirect message from that. A child may see their parent getting dressed in the morning, taking extra time in the mirror to tug at clothing. They may hear their parents make comments to themselves like “this makes me look so fat” while expressing disappointment. Nothing was said directly about the child’s body. However, the child may walk away from this experience with the belief that being fat is bad.

Later that night at dinner, maybe the child hears their parents say to themselves or to their spouse that they need to cut out food groups in order to lose weight and fit into their summer clothes. This indirect messaging shows the child that eating is about weight management and appearance and that being smaller is better. This can be extremely damaging for a young child who needs to fuel their body to grow bigger and stronger.  

You may have been intentional about never commenting on your child’s body or their food choices. Even with the best intentions, your child can still internalize the comments you make about yourself. Criticizing your own body does have an effect on your child, so how can you exemplify body kindness and acceptance instead? How can you be a positive role model?

Action steps
Demonstrate eating mindfully -
Diet culture has caused our society to approach food with a restrictive mindset. You might instinctively say, “I could really go for pasta tonight, but I shouldn’t have all those carbs. I guess I’ll order a salad instead; that’s much healthier.”  Instead, approach food mindfully. Listen to your body’s cues nonjudgmentally while considering gentle nutrition. When you recognize yourself making a judgement, stop and consider a mindful solution. Perhaps you might say, “Wow I could really go for pasta tonight, I must need some energy from carbohydrates! I’ll have a side salad for balance as well.”

Avoid labeling food as good vs. bad -
It is extremely common to label food as healthy vs. unhealthy, which is associated as good vs. bad. However, beating yourself up for eating “unhealthy” or “bad” foods sends the message that you have done something wrong, and you should feel guilty or be punished for your actions. It is important that your child is making decisions based on what their body wants and needs instead of considering what’s “right” or “wrong” to eat. The fewer judgments that they have around food, the more easily they’ll be able to listen to their body and feed themselves accordingly.

Move your body for joy -
Diet culture has had an effect on how we approach exercise. However, many people exercise with the intention of burning off calories or earning calories instead of considering other benefits like improved sleep and reduced anxiety. It is important to avoid saying comments in front of your child like “I really need to get to the gym tomorrow” after eating dessert. Instead, try to separate exercise from balancing out food choices and engage in movement that brings you joy. You can even encourage your child to do the same. A family hike or trying a new activity together can create positive feelings around exercise for your child.

Normalize changes in appearance and weight -
The human body is constantly changing. You may notice changes in your appearance as you grow older. Approach these changes over time from a neutral perspective rather than pointing out whether you feel the change is good or bad. If you need to buy a new clothing size, try not to express disappointment or over-excitement around this. Demonstrate acceptance and neutrality to show your child that needing a different size is normal and expected as we go through life changes.

Show gratitude and respect toward your body -
Our bodies are constantly supporting us through life. It is important that we treat them with respect rather than punishing them and putting them down. This means using good personal hygiene, feeding your body when it is hungry, moving your body mindfully, and resting when you need it.

Don’t comment on others’ bodies -
If you notice someone has gained or lost weight at a family gathering or a social event, don’t comment on it—even if it’s just to your child behind the person’s back. When a child hears their parent praising others for losing weight or making comments about changes in appearance, they may start to value the idea of positive attention for becoming smaller or feel shame around gaining weight. When you make comments or observations about other people to your child, make sure that they are not related to appearance.

Consider therapy -
If you identify as someone who struggles with body image or disordered eating, it is so important that you are engaging in your own therapeutic work. You deserve to provide your body with compassion and respect, and your child will benefit from it in the long-run too.

Children are so impressionable. They admire their parents so much, and they note the way they feel, think, and behave around them. Remember that children will absorb even the most subtle gestures or tiny comments that we make toward ourselves and our bodies. One of the best ways that we can empower them to have self-love is to model it for them!