How to Respond When Your Child is Concerned About Food
Adolescence is the developmental stage from about ages 12-18. During this period, adolescents are building an understanding of who they are and how they fit into the world. Because of what we know about the developmental stage of adolescence, it is expected that this is a time when comparison to others is more present and body image may waver. This often brings up concerns for kids about what others think of them and if they are living up to societal expectations. When it comes to body type in our culture, there is a societal expectation for bodies to fit the “thin ideal”. This expectation is something that we cannot escape as it is presented to us at every angle whether that be consuming media or what is taught in health classes at school. It is important to understand how to respond to your child when they approach this stage.
Many kids feel uncomfortable talking about navigating their identity with their parents. However, they will still absorb so much information from their parents. The home may be the first place that adolescents will learn how they fit in and if they are accepted. Parents’ views of their bodies and food will have an impact on their children.
What to do: Parents can support their children by avoiding making negative comments about their own bodies. If a child hears their mom feeling concerned about whether she fits into society based on her appearance, it makes sense that they will begin questioning the same. It is similar when it comes to food as well. Strong feelings around whether foods are healthy vs. unhealthy can create anxiety in children and adolescents. It is not only in the home where children and adolescents will be exposed to these ideas; they will see and hear ideals from their friends, at school, and through the media. Knowing that your child is being exposed to these ideals makes it that much more important to approach it from a neutral perspective at home and be prepared to have conversations about it.
Some kids may feel comfortable enough to approach their parents to talk about their concerns about food or appearance. This is a great opportunity to explore the feelings behind your child’s concerns.
What to do: Start by validating their feelings. Acknowledge that adolescence can be a confusing time especially with the addition of being exposed to different beliefs about food and appearance. Ask your child how this makes them feel. It is common to feel insecure, confused, anxious, or even fearful about these topics. Approach this conversation from a neutral perspective with your child being mindful not to increase possible feelings of fatphobia. A neutral perspective sounds like “all bodies are acceptable” and “there are no good or bad foods”. This type of approach can greatly reduce the amount of pressure a child or adolescent feels toward their appearance and making food choices. Focus on helping your child be mindful of how their body feels and functions rather than how it looks.
Although adolescence is a normal time for kids to express new insecurities, parents should be mindful of certain signs that raise more concern. Notice how much your child’s feelings about food or body image are impacting their day to day functioning. Are they still able to go out to restaurants or have someone else prepare their food at a friend’s house? Are they comfortable enough to wear shorts and t- shirts when it becomes hot outside? Are they maintaining their weight and growing at their target trajectory? If you see your child feeling increased anxiety or not meeting their height and weight targets, it is important to discuss with their primary care physician. This can be a good time to explore their need for therapy or nutrition counseling to ensure a space to learn about what their body needs and process the overwhelming emotions that can be associated with this stage.