Childhood and adolescence can be a confusing time for our youth, as people of all ages learn and unlearn who they feel they are over time, inside and out. Our job as parents, caregivers, and helping professionals is to support our youth through their identity development processes, so they can feel empowered to discover, actualize, and be the best and truest versions of themselves, regardless of social constructs. Affirming our child’s gender identity, or working to understand, embrace, and validate this identity, starts with having open conversations so that we can figure out what kind of support it is they might need/want. Below are some tips for navigating complex conversations like these with our children:

Increasing our own knowledge and understanding of LGBTQIA+ terminology, topics, and communities.

In 2025, it’s estimated that among youth ages 13-17, at least 1.4% identify as transgender, meaning they identify as a gender other than the one that was assigned to them at birth. Two-thirds of trans adults say they realized they were trans in childhood, and about one-third began to understand their identities when they were 10 years old or younger (UCLA Williams Institute). Understanding, or being willing to understand, these topics and terminologies requires open-mindedness and being non-judgmental regarding others’ experiences that may not match our own. Invalidation of identity and discrimination experienced by trans people significantly increases risk for mental health and physical health challenges such as depression, gender dysphoria, anxiety, and a higher risk of suicide. Check in with yourself! What are your thoughts, feelings, concerns about gender identity? Any biases, assumptions, expectations, and/or beliefs you may have about others that identify differently than you? What do you need more information on?

What is Gender Identity vs. Gender Expression vs. Sexual Orientation?

Gender identity is something that’s always existed, and every person has one. Our gender identity is who we feel we are (female, male, both, neither, etc.) such as cisgender, transgender, or nonbinary. Who we feel we are may not necessarily “match” our gender expressions, or how we physically present on the outside as feminine, masculine, or neither (like the clothing/makeup we wear, how we style our hair, etc.). Who we feel we are also does not determine who we love or are attracted to and vice versa (our sexual orientation). This infographic from Trans Student Educational Resources depicts these concepts further.

Have a safe and helpful conversation

Aim to create a physical space where all parties feel comfortable to speak openly, free from judgment or punishment. Actively listen; listen to understand, rather than to respond. Ask clarifying questions to help you understand more. It’s more than okay to not have all the answers! Acknowledge the strength and vulnerability shown by our youth when they do share. Work to continuously empathize and to accept our youth for who they tell you they are.

Explore with them their name and pronouns

What name and pronouns do they want to use? Who do they want to use them with, and in what spaces (at home, with friends, family, at school, etc.)? The GSLEN Organization found in a recent research study that teens who reported having one gender-affirming adult (meaning an adult who accepts and affirms the child’s gender identity by using the correct name, pronouns, etc.) reduced their risk of a suicide attempt by 40%. Trans youth who reported having their pronouns respected by all or most people in their lives attempted suicide at half the rate of those who lacked pronoun-respecting people in their lives.

Conversations like these can be difficult, yet extremely important for the mental, emotional, and physical health of our youth. Here at Mindsoother Therapy Center in Livingston, NJ, we provide gender-affirming care where we can support you and your children/teens in navigating these conversations together. Your love and care for your children is life-changing!

Listening First: How to Have an Affirming Talk About Gender Identity