Seasonal gatherings can be joyful—and also a perfect storm for social anxiety. Crowded rooms, small talk with relatives you haven’t seen in years, and unpredictable routines can leave anyone on edge. For teens and young adults—including those with generalized anxiety disorder or a history of panic attacks—the stakes feel even higher.
The good news? Skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) give you practical, evidence-based tools to calm your body, steady your thoughts, and stay connected—on your terms. Below is a simple, field-tested DBT plan you can use before, during, and after events. These core areas—Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotion Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness—help reduce anxiety, improve emotional balance, and make social experiences less draining and more meaningful.
Step 1: Before You Go — Create Your Anchors
Set one clear purpose. Instead of “be perfect,” try something realistic like “talk to my cousin about her semester” or “stay for one hour.” A single, focused goal gives direction and lowers pressure.
Body prime: 5 minutes of movement + water + a protein snack. Regulating your body helps regulate your mind.
Pack a Calm Kit: Gum or mints (for sensory reset), earbuds, a grounding object, and a list of 3 DBT skills you can use.
Rehearse a coping script: “If I start to feel overwhelmed, I’ll step outside, take 4 rounds of box breathing, text my check-in buddy, and come back in when ready.”
Step 2: When Anxiety Spikes — Distress Tolerance (DBT)
When your chest tightens or the noise feels too much, DBT’s distress tolerance skills help you ride the wave without making things worse.
STOP: Stop. Take a step back. Observe. Proceed mindfully. Pause the spiral before it builds. Give yourself 60 seconds to reset.
TIPP: Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, Progressive Muscle Relaxation. Run cool water on your wrists, do 60 seconds of wall pushups, or take deep breaths in and out for two minutes. These quick physiological resets lower your emotional intensity.
Self-Soothe (ACCEPTS): Engage your senses—hold a warm mug, smell peppermint, or notice five blue items in the room. Sensory grounding brings you back to the present.
Use these whenever your anxiety spikes—at holiday dinners, office parties, or even crowded malls.
Step 3: Soften the Inner Monologue — Mindfulness & CBT Thought Work
When anxiety starts talking loudly, DBT mindfulness helps you turn down the volume. The goal isn’t to fight your thoughts—it’s to notice them and come back to the moment.
Name what’s happening, not what you fear: “My heart is fast; I’m noticing heat in my face; I can still breathe.” This nonjudgmental labeling helps you stay present.
Reframe: Identify the anxious prediction and test it: “Everyone will think I’m awkward.”
Evidence? Counterevidence?
Replacement thought: “I can be brief and kind. Most people are focused on themselves.”
Small reframes reduce avoidance and support managing anxiety in the moment. Anxiety passes more easily when you stop wrestling with it and start observing it.
Step 4: Regulate, Don’t React — Emotion Regulation
DBT teaches that action changes emotion. When anxiety hits, gentle movement toward the thing you fear—rather than away—can start shifting how your brain responds.
Opposite Action: If anxiety says “hide,” choose one small approach behavior: stand near the snack table for a few minutes, smile at someone, or ask a simple question. Small exposures chip away at fear.
PLEASE Skills: Take care of your physical health, balance your eating, avoid mood-altering substances, sleep, and exercise. These basics form the foundation for emotional stability—especially during hectic holiday seasons.
One Thing in the Moment: Focus your full attention on one small action—pouring water, lighting a candle, or arranging napkins. Presence is the antidote to panic.
Step 5: Handle People, Not Just Feelings — Interpersonal Effectiveness
Seasonal gatherings often mean blurred boundaries and social pressure. DBT’s interpersonal effectiveness tools help you express your needs, say no respectfully, and preserve relationships.
DEAR MAN (for asking or saying no): Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce/stay Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate.
Example: “I promised myself I’d leave by 8:30 (Describe). I’m starting to feel drained (Express). I’ll head out soon (Assert). That way, I’ll be more up for brunch tomorrow (Reinforce).”
GIVE (to keep relationships warm): Gentle, Interested, Validate, Easy manner.
Show curiosity, nod, and reflect back what others share—without forcing big talk.
FAST (for self-respect): Fair, no Apologies for existing, Stick to values, Truthful.
Hold your ground if someone pressures you to drink, stay longer, or share more than you want.
Practicing these in group settings protects relationships and your nervous system.
Panic Plan: If a Panic Attack Starts
- Name it: “This is a panic surge. It peaks and passes.”
- Pace the breath: Inhale 4, exhale 6 for two minutes.
- Ground: Look for 5–4–3–2–1 (sights, sounds, touches, smells, taste).
- Anchor: Press feet into the floor; count backward by 7s from 100.
- Reenter or reset: Step outside, message a support person, or switch to a low-stim corner.
If panic is frequent or severe, speak with a clinician about a comprehensive treatment plan, which may include individual therapy, skills group, or medical options.
For Parents & Allies at Events - These actions keep the supportive environment intact without increasing pressure.
- Offer nonverbal check-ins (hand signals, eye contact) rather than hovering.
- Protect a quiet space and an exit plan.
- Validate, don’t fix: “Crowds can be a lot. Take the time you need; I’m here.”
After the Event — Debrief & Reinforce
- Two wins, one tweak: Name what worked and one change for next time.
- Reward effort: Pair the skill use with something pleasant (hot chocolate + favorite show).
- Log it: Keep a note in your phone; repetition builds confidence and long-term habit strength.
Getting Support:
If seasonal events regularly trigger avoidance or panic, that’s a signal to get help—not a failure. DBT skills groups and CBT-informed therapy can reduce avoidance, increase confidence, and enhance quality of life.
Mindsoother supports teens and young adults in Livingston, Short Hills, and Chatham with DBT-informed individual therapy and groups focused on mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. If social events are starting to shrink your world, reach out. We’ll tailor a plan so you can walk in, breathe, connect, and leave proud of how you handled it.