Ways to Control the Chaos while Keeping your Cool

It’s hard to be your best self during a pandemic. You’re already stressed to the max while organizing your kids’ virtual learning, planning family meals, and managing your own responsibilities. Trying to keep everyone calm so that you all get along is a major undertaking—let alone keeping your own emotions in-check.

You know that it’s not good to be caught up in your emotions. You may lash out, yell, or act in other ways that you’ll later regret. It spreads negativity throughout the family, only causing others to feel the weight of the stress that you do. The challenge is finding a way to handle tricky interpersonal situations at home without blowing your top. 

Though it would be nice, you can’t ever have complete control over how you feel. The best you can do is to develop better emotion regulation skills so that you’re not feeling emotionally drained by the end of the day. Here are some DBT-inspired tips and tricks to manage an endless list of to-do’s while maintaining your composure… 

Identify your triggers -
The best way to reduce stress is to figure out the cause of it. What sets you over the top? Start by thinking back to a time when you lost control of your emotions. What were you thinking, feeling, or doing at the time? What were the exact events that triggered it? Use these questions to identify what intensifies your emotions. That way, you can prepare yourself for when you face those triggers, or limit your exposure to them.

Have coping skills handy -
Once you recognize that your emotions are getting dysregulated, what do you do? Cope with intense feelings in a healthy way by having coping skills handy. There are a range of DBT coping skills—everything from mindfulness exercises to distress tolerance skills and more! Pick two or three go-to skills that work for you. Some suggestions include a breathing exercise, a set of positive affirmations, or a distraction skill. To learn about more DBT coping skills and find the ones that work for you, inquire about one of our DBT skills groups at www.mindsoother.com/contact. 

Practice positive communication -
The way in which you speak is a reflection of how you think and feel. In order to think and feel more positive emotions, communicate in a positive way. Don’t rush to criticisms, demands, or complaints. Slow down and think about the best method to communicate your ideas. For example, before snapping at your kids to clean up the mess they left in their room, pause. Is yelling at them the best option? How will it make them feel and how will it make you feel to take that stress and express it through anger? Can you use a more positive tone, choice of words, or persuasion technique to get them to clean their room? Be mindful of the impacts of what you say and how you say it.

Be kind to yourself -
Self-compassion is critical when dealing with stress. As you try to improve your response to difficult emotions, know that there isn’t a “perfect” way to go about it. Be kind and patient with yourself. If you need a break, take it. Take the time to practice self-care by going for a walk, enjoying a bubble bath, or reading a chapter of a book. By being gentle with yourself and giving yourself the time needed to recharge, you’ll be better equipped to deal with daily responsibilities.

Life is understandably stressful. There are many things, people, and situations in our lives that will cause us to act up or lose our cool. And it’s okay to get emotional, to feel intense emotions from time to time. What’s important is being able to find balance—to experience our emotions without them overwhelming us or controlling our lives. Use these helpful strategies to control the chaos at home while maintaining your composure. You will have good and bad days. Just take it one day at a time. You can do this!