Your Child Tells You That They Are Transgender… Now What?

You and your child are having a conversation at the dinner table. They seem nervous and are fidgeting more than usual. You ask if there is something specific they want to talk about and in response, they tell you that they think they are transgender. Here are some ways that you can support your child and help them navigate a topic as complex as gender… 

1. Know that it’s okay to ask questions.
   Your child, especially if they are a teenager, has probably done their fair share of research on this topic. They’ve probably had months, or even years to come out to themselves, so they know it can be an adjustment for you as a parent. They recognize that you’re probably not an expert on being trans and that you may have a lot of questions on what this means. For most trans teens, these questions are welcomed! They want to be able to talk about this with a trusted adult, and they know that you might not have all the answers. 

2. Do your own research.
   As mentioned before, your child isn’t expecting you to have all the answers. If you feel you need more information than what your child is bringing to the table, it's okay to learn more for yourself. Find a support group, or blogs like these, and read about helpful tips. New terms surrounding gender identity can be confusing, so don’t be afraid to look up what they mean. It’s best to be informed and to be open to broadening your horizon when it comes to LGBTQ+ information. 

3. Ask about pronouns.
   In most cases when a child comes out, they will want to try using different pronouns with their family. Don’t be afraid to ask them what feels most comfortable for them. Have a dialogue with them about pronouns. Remind them that it might take some time to get used to, but you will constantly try to be respectful. Most trans teens realize that this is a big adjustment, but just by making the extra effort to talk about and implement new pronouns, you are showing your trans teen just how much you care. 

4. Be an advocate.
   Show your child that you will support them no matter what. One thing that has not changed since they came out is who they are. They are still your child, and they still have the same core values. They are the same person on the inside that you have raised them to be. Show them that you will always have their back, no matter who they are. It can be as simple as putting a trans pride button on your work lanyard, or wearing a pronoun sticker. Show your child that you are proud of them no matter what.

5. Remind your child that you love them! 
   A big fear of transgender youth is that they will be rejected when they come out as trans. Remind your child that no matter what, and no matter who they are, you will always love them. While this is all new to you, it is new to your child as well. They are probably scared of rejection from a variety of people, so make sure they aren’t scared of rejection from you.

When your child tells you that they are transgender, it is a big change for you and for them. It’s okay to be unsure of how to respond and how to support your child at first. Use these helpful tips to help your child through this process. You don’t have to know everything; all you have to do is be there for your child and show them how much you care about them.