Acting Opposite to your Emotions
Ever feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of difficult emotions? You might experience intense emotions and respond to them in ways that aren’t helpful in the long run.
All feelings come with action urges that tell us to act in certain ways. We may use negative coping skills to escape painful emotions, because it feels like it’s the easiest way or the only way to cope. For example, when we feel fearful, we try to avoid or escape a situation. When angry, we quickly become defensive or lash out. When feeling sad, our urge might be to withdraw.
However, some emotional urges do more harm than good. They cause us to act in ways we later regret. In those cases, try acting opposite to your emotion! Deliberately responding with the opposite to your emotion urge can change your response to a healthier option that’s more fitting. Let’s explore how it works with different emotions…
Anger:
Stop yourself from lashing out, yelling, or self-harming. Take a gentle approach instead. Take a brief vacation from the situation or person that’s making your angry by leaving the room. Try self-soothing or practicing deep breathing to calm down. Then find sympathy or empathy for others. Find the “nugget of truth” that you are able to focus on in order to feel even a small amount of sympathy.
Sadness:
Don’t give into the helplessness and loneliness that sadness brings. Avoid the urge to isolate and withdraw. Instead, get out and do something to keep yourself busy. Or, spend time with other people. You’ll feel better having done something to positive to combat the sadness.
Fear:
Approach the stimulus that gives you anxiety. Try confronting your fear, little by little over time. Do things to increase your sense of control and build mastery over your fear. You can repeatedly expose yourself to what you are afraid of in order to desensitize yourself.
Shame:
If the shame fits the facts, face the music, apologize, and repair the harm if possible. Accept the consequences and learn from them for the future, forgive yourself and let it go. If the shame does NOT fit the facts, then participate fully in social interaction and go public with your personal characteristics or behaviors.
While it may seem unnatural at first, acting opposite is a very helpful way to deal with overwhelming or repeat emotions in a healthy way. The opposite action skill works best when your emotions do NOT fit the facts of a current situation or when the emotion urge is not effective in helping you achieve your goals. It also works best when it is done ALL the way—when you follow through on it through your behavior, thoughts, expression, and so on. The next time you’re stuck in a cycle of emotions and your emotional urge seems unfit for a situation, try acting opposite!