How to Reduce Toxic Positivity
Do you find yourself telling your teen to look on the bright side? Or telling them that other people have it worse, so they should focus on the good things that they have? Without knowing it, you may be contributing to what’s known as “toxic positivity.”
What is toxic positivity? It’s the notion that no matter the situation, people should remain optimistic and maintain a positive mindset. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like this. Bad things happen. Unpleasant situations take place, mental health issues get in the way, or sometimes we just don’t like what happens. No matter what the case, it’s okay to be upset at times—in fact, it’s healthy. Being forced to be happy all the time isn’t good for your mental health, despite what you may hear otherwise. You have to be allowed to feel all of your feelings, and that includes “negative” emotions like anger or sadness.
The idea that we “push back” these negative emotions is called emotion suppression, and it can lead to health issues. Research has shown that suppressing your emotions and engaging in toxic positivity can cause higher levels of stress and depression over time. These high stress levels can lead to further anxiety and an increase in heart rate and blood pressure.
The first step in reducing toxic positivity is recognizing when you use it. Here are some phrases to keep an eye out for and avoid using when your teen is struggling with “negative” emotions:
“Look on the bright side”
“Be thankful for what you have”
“You could have it much worse”
“People are struggling with more important issues”
“Cheer up”
While these phrases seem like they would be encouraging, they can cause your teen to believe that they aren’t allowed to feel. It could make them feel that you are downplaying their issues and that they aren’t allowed to be sad or upset about their current situation.
It’s also important to note that not everyone processes unpleasant or “negative” emotions the same way. We all interpret and respond to situations differently. What you may consider something “easy to get over” or something that isn’t a big deal, may feel like the end of the world for someone else. We never truly know what someone is feeling or how they cope with life’s challenges. We should all try to be a bit more empathetic and put ourselves in someone else’s shoes—and this is especially important as a parent. You can maintain a stronger bond and a more open dialogue with your teen by allowing them to express their emotions and feel their feelings, even if that means feeling upset or angry sometimes.
At the end of the day, positivity is great and studies have shown that happiness can lead to a longer and more fulfilled life. However, let us remember that we have other emotions besides happiness. We will experience a range of emotions, from joy to frustration to sadness, on a daily basis. It’s not only okay to feel this range of feelings—it’s what makes us human. It is critical to let ourselves and let our children feel these emotions.