Improve Family Dynamics Using Dialectics

Has the pandemic taken its toll on your family? Constant family time can strain family dynamics, even in the most agreeable of families. Spending 24/7 with the same people makes it more likely for conflicts to arise. Are you tired of arguing with your partner or pulling your hair out over your kids’ bickering? Take a dialectical approach. When you think dialectically, you acknowledge that two opposing ideas are both true; then, you find balance between those ideas in order to be most effective. Are you ready to make family time less stressful? Let’s learn about dialectics and how you can apply it to your family dynamics for calmer days ahead…

Resolving Family Conflicts with VALIDATE

Are you often at odds with your kids, partner, or other people in your quarantine bubble? Disagreements during already stressful times can make everyday life difficult for everyone. With continuous conflict caused by being around each other all of the time, your family may feel out of touch, tense, or distant. How can you strengthen your family relationships, reduce conflict, and feel happier? Next time you encounter conflict, give the VALIDATE skill a try! VALIDATE helps you validate others; you verbally recognize how they are feeling in order to reach a mutual understanding and find a solution. It’s perfect for families because it encourages open, honest communication, allowing family members to connect on a deeper level. Let’s explore how VALIDATE can help your family…

How to Effectively Ask Your Kids to do What You Want

Do you find yourself asking your kids to do something 4 or 5 times before you finally give in, give up, and do it yourself? Sometimes, it can seem like your kids don’t care about the consequences of following through on daily tasks, or that they don’t care to listen to what you have to say. Yet ignoring your requests has impacts on you and the whole family. It’s one of every parent’s greatest dilemmas: How do you get your kids to do what you want? Try using the DEARMAN skill. DEARMAN is a fantastic DBT skill that improves communication and helps you get what you want—without yelling, whining, or conflicts. It’s an acronym with tips and techniques to make requests. Let’s explore how it works with a real-life example…

3 Ways to Help your Family Transition to a New Normal

As quarantine measures relax and things begin transitioning back to a “new normal,” it may be time for your family to begin painting a picture of what this transition could look like. We have been through a total of 3 massive and immediate changes in less than 4 months, which means that our brains have been working overtime to adjust time and time again. That’s a lot to cope with! Therefore, it’s understandable if you’re feeling hesitant, confused, or unsure about how to proceed. Here are 3 ways you can help your families (and your minds) prepare to transition to your “new normal” in the weeks ahead…

3 Ways to be a More Effective Parent during COVID-19

As parents, we all have unique ideals and expectations of the experience of raising our kids. We set schedules, we create routines and we teach lessons to instill those ideals in our children as we try to meet our own. So, how do we manage when our children change, when we change, and when life changes? It’s challenging to parent your children the same way that you were months ago, before the pandemic began. Therefore, it is crucial that we adapt to changing circumstances. How can we maintain a flexible stance with our parenting and create a calmer home environment? Here are 3 ways to help you become a more effective parenting during this crisis…

Co-Parenting During Quarantine: Strategies for Success

Co-parenting means working together with your partner, or even ex-partner, for the greater good of your children. Even the most well-adjusted co-parenting teams encounter obstacles from one day to the next. Now with the added stressor of COVID-19, those struggles can intensify or be different from before quarantine. You may want to re-evaluate and revise your co-parenting strategies to meet new needs. Here are some tips that might help your co-parenting right now…

Upgrade Your Family Time, When Family Time is All You Have

Under normal circumstances, the usual progression of the day usually goes something like this: Wake up, eat breakfast, drop the kids off at school, go to work, kids travel home from school, get off work, cook dinner, eat, sleep, repeat. This routine means that everyone is busy, and it also makes family time precious. Now what happens when that family time became so frequent that work, school, eating, and alone time merge together? Many families may be finding this time tricky to navigate. Your home may be feeling very close now that everyone is in the same space for extended periods of time. For some, your boundaries may be blurring and your schedule may be more lax. Parents: let’s take a look at the ways you can help your entire family upgrade your family time, when family time is all you have…

Messages from your Teens about Social Distancing

Social distancing is difficult for everyone. Staying at home causes tensions to run high in the family. For parents of teens, this makes your relationship with your child even more complicated to manage. How do you know what your teen needs during this troublesome time? How can you best support your child? Here are three messages that your teen needs you to hear about social distancing and COVID-19.

Your Family Plan for Managing COVID-19

We are ALL navigating uncharted territory together and it is important that you create a plan for YOUR FAMILY that effectively manages anxieties, scheduling and completing of tasks while staying both physically AND mentally healthy. There is hype. There is hearsay. There are opinions and beliefs. And then there is WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR FAMILY? Here are some tips for helping your family effectively navigate Coronavirus…

Maintain Self-Respect in your Relationships

Relationships are all about compromise and balance. They require us to listen to others, to voice our point of view, and to engage in a give and take. However, not all relationships are balanced. Sometimes we overstep our roles. We may assert our point of view so strongly that we cause others to act in ways that make them uncomfortable. Other times, we don’t stand up for ourselves. We follow along with what other people want to do, even if it does not align with our values. In relationships like these, it may be helpful to use the FAST skill to navigate difficult interpersonal situations—like setting boundaries, for example. FAST helps us keep our self-respect so that we feel good about our relationships.

How to Stick Up for Yourself in your Relationships

Do you ever feel like you’re not getting what you want from your relationships? This could be any relationship: a romantic relationship, a family relationship, a friendship, a work partnership, and so on. No matter what relationship you’re struggling with, don’t worry! Relationships can be tricky at times. It’s not always easy to ask for what you want or to find the courage to say “no” when you’re not comfortable. Luckily, there’s a DBT skill that is here to help you improve your assertiveness: the DEARMAN skill! It teaches you how to calmly and effectively ask and receive. Let’s learn about how it works…

Tips for a Better Morning Routine

No one likes starting his or her family’s day on the wrong foot. After a morning gone terribly wrong, all parents will feel a pang of guilt over leaving their child upset at school or day care. It’s understandably difficult when nobody in your house is a morning person and there’s never enough time to prepare ahead the night before. Are you tired of your stress level going through the roof? There are ways to make the morning routine more manageable—and maybe even stress-free. Here are some tips to make mornings smoother for the entire family…

Tips for Finding Work/Life Balance

Being a parent isn’t easy, no matter if your children are very young or they’re young adults. Many parents struggle to find a balance between work and family. Parents wonder if they should take more vacation days, if they should be a stay-at-home-parent, or if they should take on a job that involves a great deal of traveling. When it comes to parenting, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. You’ll likely get a different opinion from every person you ask. So how do you figure out the right way to balance work and family life? The answer to the question is unique to you and your family's needs. Here are some tips help you decide what is best for your family…

How to Practice Mindful Parenting

No matter what age your children are, parenting isn’t easy. As parents, we’re so focused on getting everything done that we forget to be present. We’re going through the motions of daily experiences without actually being there. What can we do to enjoy more moments with our families? We can practice mindful parenting. When you practice mindful parenting, you can be present in the moment, pay attention without assigning a feeling, and learn to accept your thoughts and feelings without judgement. Mindfulness practice starts with the “What” and “How” skills. Let’s learn about these skills and apply them to common situations parents face…

Reducing Conflicts with the THINK Skill

Do you find it difficult to work things out with others, but you’re not sure why? Often times, when we are interacting with others—particularly when we are disagreeing or arguing with someone else—we approach the situation with a negative mindset. Our brains naturally interpret the other person’s words and actions as negative or threatening. As a result, we jump to conclusions, quickly lash out, and become hostile or defensive. Our emotions (like anger and frustration) can take control of our actions during these situations. This clearly is not acting in an effective manner, especially if your goal is to improve your relationships and communicate in a more healthy way with others. Luckily, there’s a DBT skill which you can employ to reduce disagreements. Use the THINK skill to move from an Emotion Minded place into Wise Mind, where you are able to solve conflicts more effectively. Here’s how it works…

Setting Healthy Boundaries

We all have boundaries, or limits that we establish for ourselves. Setting boundaries is the way we communicate what is okay and what is not okay in our relationships and friendships. Knowing what your boundaries are and what you are comfortable with in your life is very important for your safety and your self-respect. If you know what you are okay with, then you know to speak your mind when you don’t want to engage in something or with someone that creates uncertainty. You can assert your boundaries in a number of different ways. Here are a few examples…

Connecting with Children, from a Therapist's Perspective

Parenting can be tough at times. Sometimes, your child just won’t listen to you. It may be frustrating when you are unsure of what to do to get things to resonate. As therapists, we can offer a different perspective—perhaps one that will benefit your relationship with your child. We have learned many lessons about how to connect with children and improve their behavior through our line of work. Here are some insights to consider…

Infinity Loop: Identifying Negative Cycles in Your Relationship

Do you and your partner find yourselves arguing over the same issues, time and time again? Do you want to figure out what isn’t working and make a change for the better? Consider using the Infinity Loop to improve your relationship. Scott Woolley, PhD, first introduced the Infinity Loop in order to help couples identify the negative cycles that they get stuck in—the negative habits that perpetuate dissatisfaction. Identifying and communicating these cycles’ helps each partner gain a deeper understanding of one another. Read more to learn how to have less argumentative and more effective discourse…

The Value of Family Therapy

Did you know that there are multiple types of therapy? If you’ve been to therapy before, or if you’ve heard about it from a friend or loved one, you probably are very familiar with individual therapy. If you’re considering therapy, that’s not your only option. Some other kinds of therapy include group therapy (multiple clients working with one or two therapists) and family therapy (multiple family members working with a therapist). You may be wondering, “Why should I consider family therapy?” or “Will this really help me or my teenager?” The therapists at Mindsoother are here to explain the benefits of family therapy…

Benefits of Therapy, Family, Family relationshipsEmily ZemanSeptember 9, 2018family therapy, family, ask the therapist

How to Tell if You’re in an Unhealthy or Abusive Relationship

We start new relationships with a romantic partner or with a friend for various reasons. We want to enjoy each other’s company, feel happy, learn new things, feel close to someone, and share exciting parts of our lives. However, sometimes these relationships feel like a lot of work; they may end up taking more from our lives then they are giving. If you feel the strain of your relationship, it’s important to step back and understand if the relationship is unhealthy or potentially abusive. Use this resource to spot the differences between a healthy, an unhealthy, and an abusive relationship…

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